Well, I Guess Nix-Nay On The Oh-Pray

Hmm.

Another one bites the dust.

Yep.

And another one gone, another one gone…another one bites the dust…

Blogs, that it.  Another one of my blog ideas has rapidly capsized, flipping me off the boat and drowning in the sea of Lack Of Follow-Thru.

But this time, it’s not my fault! Really!

Well, ok, maybe it is. But at least it wasn’t intentional. See, I ended up abandoning this blog and the whole idiotic idea of spending a year of my existence undergoing a mastadonic Oprahawl of the beaten down jalopy also known as my “life” when my “friend” (notice the repeated use of  “quotation marks” to highlight a “loose reference”)Rosie decided to basically throw me out on my ass from her home for no apparent reason. I mean, seriously, she just basically came home one day and tweaked the fuck out and asked me to leave, saying I hadn’t done “anything to improve my situation” and had “misunderstood” what she meant by “Sure, you can stay here as long as you need to get things together, and don’t stress so hard about looking for a job, the important thing is for you to stay sober.”

Apparently, that really means is, “bitch better find a job or fork over some cash in 7-10 working days. ” Actually, I think I was there for about three weeks. And I could see her having a legitimate beef about wanting me to get my lazy ass up and moving, if indeed, my lazy ass had been planted down somewhere. I wish it would have been planted on her couch or the really very comfortable air mattress that I did grow so much to love…it would have been lots of fun just camped out in front of the superhuge plasma screen tv and fake furnace whiling my days away eating bonbons and petting her twitchy dogs who fart too much. But that wasn’t what I was doing!

Instead, I spent most of my days…working on writing descriptions for her stupid cards, setting up her blog, posting her crap up on Etsy, and developing a marketing plan for her…no, wait, I’m sorry, “OUR” (again, love those “looose references”!) fledlgling little greeting card company. The same f’ing greeting card company she had been yammering away at me for weeks to help her launch, the same f’ing card shindig she had guilted me about not getting on the ball to do it sooner.

So I am sorry, Miss Rosie Marie Jul-la-li-la-loo-loo, if I wasn’t able to get a job licking fricking split because I was working my ass off doing the work you couldn’t do for yourself…for free! FUCK ME RUNNING ALREADY!

What kind of horrible soul-succubus-sucking bitch am I???

Well. Apparantly I am the type that sort of inadvertently infects her host’s computer with the equivalent of cyber-neuro-syphilis, causing a nasty set of malfunctions and breakdowns ultimately resulting in the poor machine going absolutely bat-shit crazy and blowing the fuck up.

And apparantly…when someone is giving you a “free” place to stay, effectively anesthetizing their home computer system is not such a cool thing to do…even if it was a shitty Dell. Yeah. She didn’t buy the “Hey, I thought I was doing you a favor by putting her down” spin. Damn.

So I guess the equation goes something like this:

[Work for free to start friend's lame gift card business you really didn't believe in anyways but blew smoke up her ass to make her feel good] + {jacking up her computer (although accidental, and yes, a Dell)}= GET THE FUCK OUT NOW! YOU LOUSY STUPID SONS A BITCH.

Ok. So, well, I guess instantaneous homelessness and the flaming out of a friendship and what at least appeared on the surface to be a really cool new business venture is…well, not very “Oprahtic”. Somehow, I just do not see the divine Miss O giving any of that hullaballoo her “Living Your Best Life NOW!” stamp of approval. Now, kicked to curb yet again, I am forced to regroup and come up with a new strategy.

And just what that newfound fabulous strategy be? Well, the answer is clearcut and simple to me.

It’s time to get drunk!